yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
