I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
