my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish you could order shots online.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
