i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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