We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
