i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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