I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
