ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
