Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
