Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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