Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
