a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
