Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
