My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
