and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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