It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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