it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
