That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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