maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
