one might say we're banned from that church
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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