if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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