What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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