She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
