"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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