I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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