i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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