cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
