I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
