thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
