I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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