He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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