what day is it and did you see me today?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
