she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize