just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
why do cheetos always look like penises
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
