my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
