Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
