You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
as a side note pls kill me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
