420 ftw
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize