I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
