there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
