Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
