mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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