So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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