in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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