Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
