yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You are the jesus of drinking
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
