I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
