I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
