Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
