Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
