the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize