I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
