found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
