That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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