At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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