omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
