Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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