so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
