her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
