Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
someone owes me an orgasm
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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