sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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