Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
