You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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