Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
