Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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