My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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