they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
