I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
