I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
