this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
