The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize