I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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