so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
